How A Child Survives In A Dysfunctional Family

Have you ever wondered what happens to children who live in a dysfunctional family context? How do they survive and develop? Next we will tell you the reality that these little ones live.

Dysfunctional families are defined as nuclei in which one or several of their members do not comply with the necessary care, protection and education measures for the rest of the people in the family group.

The causes of dysfunctionality can be many. It is considered that these families lack the fundamental psychological resources so that coexistence is possible, so that their members face various obstacles when it comes to developing emotionally and psychologically.

Characteristics of the dysfunctional family

Although the characteristics are closely related to the problem that causes dysfunctionality, they can be grouped into:

• Excessive dependency. Members create bonds of dependency that impede personal development and limit growth.
• Not belonging. In families with members who are emotionally far apart, there is a feeling of loneliness and not belonging to the family group.
• Lack of rules and limits. Power imbalances occur within the family nucleus, which is why insecurities and dominance-submission relationships arise.
• Inverted power hierarchy. Parents who live subject to the wishes of their children, who become little tyrants.
  

• Major communication problems. Communication between members is poor or even null. This lack of communication creates problems of coexistence and hinders the ability to relate to other people.

• Very strict roles and behavior patterns. There is no negotiation or possible alternatives for solving problems. What has been established as a rule is kept no matter what.
• Lack of empathy. There are many difficulties in putting yourself in the other’s shoes and making sense of your emotions and feelings.
• High level of emotional manipulation. Feelings of guilt, humiliation and blackmail occur constantly in these contexts.

Consequences of having a dysfunctional family for children

When a child grows up in a dysfunctional family, he may end up adopting a role that helps him survive and cope. The problem is that in many situations this role ends up extending to the rest of the contexts of your life.

Some of the most common roles are:

• “Banging bag”: This role arises from the feeling of guilt that the child carries. She was blamed for the family problems, so she assumes that she will always be “beaten”.
•  “Rebel”. He doesn’t support any authority figure, so he denies his own.
•  “Guardian”. Children who needed to take on responsibilities that should belong to adults. They had to resolve family problems or act as mediators in conflicts between their parents.
•  “Tyrant”. This child knew no rules or limits and always got what he wanted. She tends to have paternal models of overprotection, which ends up leaving her at the top of the family power hierarchy.
•  “Invisible”. Excessively shy and quiet children. They didn’t receive emotional attention and so they end up repressing their feelings, because they think they don’t deserve attention. They feel they are not worthy of being loved.
  

Resilience vs. dysfunctional family

Resilience is the power to overcome difficulties that arise and thus overcome circumstances that are adverse. It is to be able to overcome traumatic situations and achieve stable emotional and psychological development.

Children’s capacity for resilience is enormous. They are able to face all kinds of adversity, even when the family nucleus itself does not provide them with the necessary resources to do so.

How do they do it? Just have a person who can serve as a base or support. If within the family there is at least one member who has a functional relationship with the child, she will take advantage of this bond to build her personality, selecting the most positive characteristics of that person.

But it is also not necessary for this person to be part of the core family. In high school or within the larger family environment, the child can find his attachment figure that will help him to reorganize the acquired behavior patterns that hinder his growth.