Demanding Parents: Problems And Consequences
While raising children is not an easy task, being demanding parents is not always the best solution. While it is true that some parents are criticized for being weak, what happens is that many sin by omission and others by excess. The latter demand that their children be obedient, polite and intelligent, that is, almost perfect.
We have countless cases where it is clear how demanding parents are. For example, if the child gets an eight on a test, he is immediately reprimanded so that the next time he gets a nine. If you roll a nine, then you’ll be forced to roll a ten the next time.
Why does it happen?
The main reason is that fathers or mothers, when they are too strict, apply an authoritarian educational model. Demanding parents are intransigent and go to the extreme of controlling everything related to their children, in such a way that they achieve their goals.
possible solution
Conversely, when parents are more democratic and understanding with their children, the agreed demands will be compensated for by them. Everything is due to the fact that they commit excesses in the demands. Furthermore, when you put excessive pressure on your children, always reminding them of what to do, it is possible to create a certain dependency.
What they will achieve with this is to create adults with weak or null criteria and little autonomy. Children will not learn to make decisions, an issue that will significantly affect children’s daily development. Having so many demands and not fulfilling them will create a feeling of complete and visible insecurity.
Consequences of having demanding parents
Children with demanding parents can be:
perfectionists
This will depend on the character of the parents and the personality and abilities of the child. If she sets out to achieve the goals proposed by her parents and achieves them through an ideal income, it is likely that she will end up creating a personality similar to her parents. In other words, demanding and, in some cases, perfectionist, always seeking to achieve the highest level of performance.
Insecure
If the goals are too high and the child cannot reach them, he will feel frustrated and, as a result, will block. All of this will translate into insecurity, dependency, low self-esteem and a predisposition to anxiety as an adult.
Some of the dangers reported in some consultations with specialists are manifestations of children who guarantee that their parents love them according to their performance in whatever they set out to do. In this way, children grow up with low self-esteem, anxiety and depression.
What do experts say?
Experts guarantee that this is an aspect often observed in parents, especially in relation to the educational system.
Today, most parents want their children to be well educated, competitive and get good grades in school. All of these, as we have already said, are demands on the part of parents without knowing whether or not their children have the capacity to achieve the proposed goals. There are even cases in which it is demanded without knowing what the children themselves want.
However, there are experts who guarantee that there are not only demanding parents in relation to their children’s academic situation. There are also parents who demand that their children be impeccable at home, responsible with family commitments, excellent at sports performance, etc.
Recommendations for having a peaceful relationship between parents and children
Excessive demands create trauma and stress in the child. When they reach high school or, in some cases, higher education, all commitments can be broken and, consequently, grades can drop. At the same time, they may stop studying because they are fed up and feel excessively pressured.
On the other hand, there are also cases in which the child grows up with such excessive demands and without taking into account what he wants to do that he ends up having his feelings inhibited.
Some tips to avoid being picky parents:
- Spend time with your children and talk to them about everyday life.
- Know what children like, what hobby and favorite sport, for example.
- Encourage and encourage children as often as necessary.
- If they don’t have a goal, help and guide your children to set one.
- Offer affection without conditions.
- Congratulate on each goal achieved and say that next time you can do even better if you propose to do so.
Ultimately, you will realize that demanding is not the best method to get the expected results. Sometimes affection and patience are the best teaching techniques for raising children.
