Giving The Baby What He Asks For Is Not Spoiling Him Too Much my
“Don’t sleep with him, you’ll make him dependent” , “Stop picking him up, he’ll be spoiled”, “Why do you keep breastfeeding? He only uses you as a pacifier”. These and many other statements as flat as cruel are heard by many mothers every day.
Torn between instinct and the opinions of others, many of them plunge into a sea of confusion and guilt. If that’s the case with you, don’t be afraid: give your child what he asks for, you won’t spoil him too much.
To face motherhood in the best way possible and, above all, enjoy it, it is necessary to remember that you are the mother. You can consult professionals, get information, or ask your loved ones for their opinion, but ultimately it’s up to you how to educate your children.
On many occasions, your instincts and intuition give you the answer, and your baby conveys what he needs from you. Why, then, silence the only two voices that count to hear the others?
you won’t spoil him too much
At some point, we begin to attribute to babies intentions and cognitive abilities that they don’t have. We think they come to us, demand attention, affection or care because they want to manipulate us. We believe that they “mocker” or “take advantage of us”.
It is essential to understand that a baby does not yet have sufficient cognitive development to carry out this thought process and that if he cries or asks for something, it is because he needs it.
On many occasions, mothers suppress the urge to comfort the baby for fear of overspoiling. In other words, they fear that the little one will become extremely dependent or insecure because of this “excess of care”.
However, paradoxically, exactly the opposite occurs. Psychologist Rosa Jové, a specialist in education and child psychology, clearly states: if you want your child to be autonomous, pamper him as much as you can while he is still small.
The essential secure attachment
It turns out that, in fact, the attachment bond established during the first months and years of life is the foundation on which a healthy personality is built. Secure attachment is the safety net the child will have to explore the world without fear. It is what will allow her to develop with confidence, without needs or fears.
However, for this to be properly established, the work of the mother (or the main attachment figure) is essential. She must be able to detect the baby’s needs and respond to them consistently. The little one needs to be sure that he will have love and protection at all times to be able to progressively develop his independence and autonomy.
A child will only become insecure, fearful, or dependent if he doesn’t get what he needs during his early years. She will spend her life restless and anxious, trying to seek and get what she lacked at that crucial moment. So, spoil your child and give him what he asks for, because, in fact, this is the path to his independence.
give your baby what he asks
So, learn to listen to your baby and give him what he asks for. Each child is unique, with their own personality and rhythms. If your baby asks you to pick him up, do so happily. If he asks you to breastfeed, nurse with love and enjoy this very intimate and special moment between the two of you. If your baby needs your presence and contact during the night, don’t be afraid to sleep next to him.
Do what you feel you must do, without guilt or remorse, because all the love you give him will become the security he needs to grow healthy.
Likewise, if your child needs space or if he asks for independence, offer it too. Some babies prefer to sleep alone and feel uncomfortable sleeping together in bed. Some children are more adventurous and explorers, so we should allow them to be adventurous. No two children are alike, so the key is to get to know and understand your child.
Ultimately, if we pay attention, they will show us what they need and when they are ready for change and advancement. In the meantime, enjoy the experience of watching him grow. Give your baby what he asks for and fill him with love. This will never be harmful.
