How To Address Sibling Fights

Fights between siblings are more common than you think. However, this is not a reason to allow them to take strength, as they can interfere with family harmony and what is even more important: the mutual respect that must exist between siblings. Here we share with you a series of recommendations to overcome these uncomfortable situations.

Even if it is something common,  we should not pay little attention to the frequent fights between siblings that our children tend to have. The reasons can be trivial, such as who has control of the TV, who has to pick up trash from the trash, not wanting to share assignments, fighting for the parents’ attention.

Whatever the reason, we must not underestimate them and we have an obligation to encourage respect and tolerance between them.

Some parents make the mistake of turning sibling fights into a show they might be supporting one another.

But, it’s not a football game, and  we can’t celebrate the fights because somehow we would be encouraging sibling rivalry.

There are siblings who in adulthood remember with humor the fights they played during childhood, but unfortunately there are cases in which, after many years, feelings of rancor, jealousy and envy are unleashed.

Parents should maintain a neutral attitude so as not to promote sibling rivalry. Faced with this possibility, parents must address family disputes as soon as possible, explaining to their children the importance of accepting, respecting and loving each other.

When to intervene in sibling fights?

Psychologists and family therapists advise that when children fight, parents should be aware of the fight, but be very careful not to participate in the conflict  until it is strictly necessary. On the contrary, they must remain silent spectators to analyze the causes of the differences between the siblings.

Determining who generated the reason for the fight is very difficult, and although they know for certain which of the two children started it, it is counterproductive to  discipline one and the other not; because a vicious cycle would start about who will be able to triumph over the other.

Thus, it is recommended not to give an opinion or be part of the fight, but rather to observe that the situation has gone beyond the limits established by the parents and consider that they must impose a punishment, and this must be imposed on both. The goal is for children to experience the consequences of the fight and for them to learn to recognize that the wrong thing is to treat each other disrespectfully.

age difference

When the age difference between the siblings is very large, the possibility increases that in the middle of the fight, the older one wants to impose itself on the younger one. If this happens frequently, the younger one can develop insecurities and complexes in front of the older one.

When taking this risk into account, parents should seek to teach their eldest child to become his little brother’s protector. Of course, it is impossible to avoid fights between children, but outside the field of discussion, it is good to tell the bigger one that he is the example for the little one and that he must be careful, even in the middle of fights.

Advice for parents

Fights between siblings at some points in your growth are often unavoidable, but you should talk to your children about the importance of mutual respect that should always be practiced, especially when anger takes over.

Teaching the children that all members of a family are entitled to have differences, to be bothered by each other, but that does not give you the excuse to mistreat and humiliate.

Children should know that after fights between siblings, friends or anyone else, reconciliation is mandatory. In this sense, mom and dad should emphasize the paramount importance of offering each other excuses and forgiving.

Comparing children is a very serious mistake that some parents make. Every child has its own personality and doesn’t have to look like its brother. Comparisons will be the perfect nest where sibling rivalry will be born, for this reason it is a priority to avoid them at all costs.

Family life is not easy because of the differences in character, tastes, interests and personalities of each of its members.

Although sometimes it seems an impossible challenge,  living in harmony should be the common goal, while love and respect should become the main tools to face any difficulty.