Mind Load: Mothers’ Invisible Work
Many couples think that household and family chores in their home are equally divided between the two. However, the work of logistics and planning still remains primarily the responsibility of women. This is what the concept of mind charge is all about.
Undoubtedly, the social situation has changed with regard to equity and men’s involvement in household chores. As women actively participate in the labor market, more and more couples share the household work between the two. This is logical and fair.
However, if we look a little more closely, we’ll see that this split isn’t as fair as it sounds. Physical tasks are shared, but the mental work of planning, organizing and managing falls almost entirely to women.
What is the mental load?
The concept of mind load encompasses all the invisible work that is necessary for different areas of family life to function properly. The process of continually and deliberately thinking about all outstanding tasks and how to manage them. Anticipate, organize and remember everything that needs to be done.
It was sociologist Susan Walzer who, in her study, described this term and the gender differences that exist in relation to it. However, to realize this inequality, it is necessary that we begin to distinguish between physical and mental tasks.
Physical tasks:
- Go to the supermarket.
- Pick up the child from school.
- Make dinner.
- Extend the clothes.
Mental tasks:
- Realize that toothpaste is running out and anticipate buying it before it runs out.
- Remember that the child was going on an excursion today and will therefore leave school an hour earlier.
- Plan ahead what we’ll have for dinner and remember to take the food out of the freezer so it’s ready in time.
- Arrange to do laundry on Thursday because we are going to have dinner on Saturday and thus there will be time to dry the clothes we want to wear.
This second type of task seems to be the exclusive territory of women. Men generally don’t spend the same amount of time on this entire mental process , and if they do, it will usually be something that concerns their own problems at work.
Women, on the other hand, think, organize and plan their work life, social and domestic life, as well as that of other family members.
How to detect mental load?
Due to the social inertia that continues to place the responsibility of the household on women, it is sometimes difficult to detect that we are in this unfair situation. It is already so internalized that this work is ours that, at times, we may even feel that our value as a person is linked to our ability to take care of the home and family.
So, first of all, we need to be aware that this responsibility is not ours alone. It is only fair that it be shared. Then we can do the simple job of jotting down the tasks we have in mind for a week and asking our partner to do the same.
This little exercise can give us a perspective on how far we are carrying too heavy a load. And this will be the starting point for making the necessary changes in family dynamics.
On the other hand, our health status can also be a warning sign. The mental load represents a great burden that generates stress, anxiety and even physical symptoms, such as frequent back or headache pain.
What’s the solution?
The way to lighten this heavy burden is to share the load. But this must be done in a real and effective way. That is, there is no point in the partner accepting to take care of certain mental tasks and then forgetting about them and not doing them.
It is also not acceptable that a woman needs to give instructions to the man, every time she leaves the house, regarding children, meals or schedules. It is necessary for both spouses to make a firm commitment to dealing with what is right for them, both physically and mentally.
For this, a good strategy can be to divide the tasks by areas : for example, one of the spouses is responsible for planning and preparing the menus, while the other takes care of what concerns the children’s school.
